Will you like to pretend and destroy your marriage or relationship, little by little? Or know why people pretend to be happy in relationships? Here are some cool tips to guide you on that path, since you don’t want to try, how about a sure way out?
When you’re not happy in a relationship, pretending may seem like the polite thing to do to prevent your spouse from getting hurt.
The problem is, pretending to be happy in a relationship can take its toll on your emotional and physical health. It also prevents you and your current spouse from moving forward into a satisfying life either with or without each other.
Sometimes the unknown is worse than sticking it out with someone you aren’t indeed in love with.
It’s easy to pretend that your relationship is going well, even if you don’t actually believe it. When you love someone and you’ve been with them for so long, you likely won’t want to do anything that can hurt them. But when you’re pretending to be happier in your relationship than you actually are, faking it can only last so long. According to experts say, it will show.
But, how do you know when you’re not happy in relationships?
People stay in relationships where they’re unhappy for a number of reasons. “Some people really struggle with change and the simple thought of splitting their lives apart really unsettles them,” Jenna Birch, CEO of Plum dating app and author of The Love Gap, tells Bustle. Some may also stay due to attachment issues or social pressures (i.e. all their friends are in relationships and they don’t want to be the only single one).
According to Birch, “The challenging part of relationships is that a lot of people think that if they’re ‘not bad,’ they must be pretty good.” This of course, isn’t necessarily true. “There should always be new reasons to invest in your partner all the time, and an evolving relationship will make you happy and excited,” she says.
If it doesn’t, you’ll be stuck pretending that you’re happy and experts say you may end up doing the following things in your relationship.
Here are the most obvious signs you are faking happiness with your partner when you are not happy in relationships.
1. Communication is avoided
One of the biggest signs someone is pretending to be happy is avoiding communicating with their partner.
If you have been avoiding communicating with your spouse, it may be because you know what’s coming:
- A very difficult conversation, or
- A breakup.
2. You avoid being alone with your thoughts
Do you find yourself avoiding silence?
Being alone with your thoughts can be scary, especially if you know a big change is coming to your life.
Suppose you constantly find yourself on the phone, listening to podcasts, or watching videos. In that case, it could be that you’re avoiding addressing or even acknowledging the ‘reasons I pretend to be happy.’
3. Your social media speaks volumes
Why pretend to be happy when you’re not? Sometimes it all comes down to social perceptions.
Social media is a big deal to many people, so take a good look at yours and use it as a chart of your relationship.
Do you make flowery posts about your spouse to give off the impression that you’re madly in love?
Or do you rarely post about your spouse?
Either way, this could be a sign that you are dissatisfied with your love life.
4. You purposely avoid making plans
One of the key signs someone is pretending to be happy in their relationship is acting like their spouse is their favorite person and then never actually spending time with them.
If you find yourself consistently making plans that don’t include your partner, you will do well to ask yourself why.
5. Your heart feels heavy
Do you feel excited or surrounded by love when you are with your partner or do you find yourself longing to be somewhere else?
Pretending to be happy in a relationship can take its toll on your emotional heart.
If your heart feels heavy when you’re around your sweetheart, it could be a sign that you are pretending to be something you’re not when you’re together, and your heart has finally had enough.
6. You’ve lost your confidence
If you are not happy in a relationship with your partner, it can set your mind wandering.
Faking being happy in your current relationship may have you daydreaming of another life with someone else. This is dangerous because dwelling on these fantasies can lead you to cheat and hurt a host of people.
7. You’re nicer to your spouse in front of your friends
Why do people pretend to be happy when they are not?
Sometimes it’s because they’re afraid of how their life might look to their friends, or maybe their family loves their current partner, and they don’t want to disappoint them.
If you have little interest in your spouse but know exactly how to put on a ‘perfect couple‘ act in front of other people, take it as a huge sign you’re pretending to be happy in a relationship.
8. Are you covering their toxic traits?
Does your partner have toxic traits?
Do they belittle you, gaslight, or pull an attitude when they’re around other people?
If you are not happy in relationships for toxic reasons, you may find yourself excusing your spouse’s behavior to friends and family. Not only is this sad, but it can also be dangerous to your emotional and physical health.
9. Physical intimacy is avoided
When was the last time you and your spouse were truly intimate?
If the desire of you getting intimate with your spouse no longer exists and you don’t feel attracted towards them, you might avoid any physical contact altogether.
Avoiding physical intimacy with your partner may be a sign that you’re no longer interested in maintaining a deep connection.
10. You don’t expand on your feelings
Men and Women Having Breakfast Together With the Juice and at the Bedroom
Do you feel like staying silent is more comfortable than having a deep or important conversation with your spouse?
Be honest with yourself and acknowledge how you feel deep down.
Staying in a state of unhappiness can contribute to depression and anxiety in other areas of your life, such as work and relationships with friends.
If you can come up with even one “Reason I pretend to be happy,” then take it as a huge sign that your relationship is no longer healthy.
11. You can’t let go of the past
One sign that you’re pretending to be happy in a relationship is if you are secretly holding onto resentment.
If your partner has cheated or betrayed you in some way in the past and you can’t let it go, you are probably pretending to be happy when you’re not.
12. Date night stresses you out
Research published by the Journal of Marriage and the Family found that couples often experience greater happiness when they are spending time together.
But if the idea of spending time talking to your partner over a romantic dinner sounds more like a nightmare than a fairy-tale date night, it could be a sign that your relationship needs some work.
13. You know deep down you aren’t in love
Pretending to be happy in a relationship may be easy on the outside, but your heart and your head know the truth.
If you are not happy in relationships, you will feel a distinct lack of love for your partner.
You may love them as a person or a friend, but deep, romantic love will be missing from your repertoire.
14. You feel lonely but never show it
Some people stay in relationships because they don’t want to face the loneliness that single life brings, but sometimes loneliness is the key to other relationship issues.
If you feel the ache of loneliness, even when you are with your spouse, take it as a ‘not happy in relationship’ sign.
15. Are you happy with who you are
Did you feel confident about who you were before you got into your current relationship?
If you find yourself feeling lost or not knowing what you want out of life, you can likely see that you are not happy in relationships you’ve been having.
16. Constantly Bickering With Each Other Over Small Things
You and your partner may not have huge fights all the time. But if you’re bickering over seemingly little issues like forgetting to take out the trash or being ten minutes late to a date, Birch says, you might be pretending to be happy. Although these may not seem like big relationship-ending fights, they do create blockages to intimacy. When you’re bickering with each other all the time, you’re only pushing each other away.
17. Going Along With Everything Your Partner Says For The Sake Of It
Alternatively, if a “once-assertive partner” starts agreeing with everything the other says, that’s not a good sign. According to Birch, they’ve likely stopped expressing their needs and the things that bother them because they’ve checked out. When passion for the relationship is lost, the will to fight tends to go with it.
18. Forgetting To Celebrate Important Dates
Birthdays, anniversaries, and major holidays are worth remembering and celebrating. But if you have no desire to celebrate these days with your partner or if your partner keeps forgetting important dates, Birch says your relationship may not be as happy as you think it is. Remembering your anniversary or your partner’s birthday shows that you care. If you and your partner don’t make it a point to celebrate these dates when you used to before, it’s time to check in with yourself and your partner about what you want.
19. Living Vicariously Through Your Single Friends (Emeh)
When you’re not as content in your relationship as you feel like you should be, you might find yourself longing for a different situation. According to Birch, you may jump at the chance to hear your single friends talk about their dating experiences because a part of you wants that “freedom to explore” again. Even if you don’t voice it, you may even experience pangs of jealousy. Hearing all about your friends’ adventures in dating might provide you with an escape from the reality of your relationship now.
20. Comparing Your Relationship With Others
When you’re secretly unhappy in your relationship, you may find yourself comparing your relationship or your partner to other people. According to Birch, you may start thinking about what you really want in a relationship and realize that your partner doesn’t match up. “When a friend tells you about something special they did with their partner or something their partner did for them, you may feel sad that you and your partner doesn’t have that same passion or connection anymore,” she says. This sadness doesn’t come from jealousy. Instead, it comes from a realization that your relationship may not be the right one for you.
21. Moving The Relationship At A Super Fast Pace
“A relationship that moves at a supernatural speed should raise a few red flags,” Graber says. “There is no need to rush anything in a healthy relationship.” If you feel the need to jump from one major relationship milestone to the next in a very short period of time, you may need to take a step back and ask yourself why. If you’re really looking to spend forever together, what’s the rush? “Over-commitment in the first few months of a relationship (like moving in together or getting engaged) [can be] a sign that you’re trying to compensate for something lacking in your relationship,” she says. More often than not, relationships that move fast in a short period of time end up burning out just as fast.
When you love someone, it’s easy to pretend that things are going fine when they’re not. But both you and your partner deserve to be happy. When you realize that you’re just pretending to be happy in your relationship, the next step is to talk to your partner about it. Your relationship isn’t doomed to fail if you both put in the effort to turn things around. According to Birch, make suggestions about ways to “reinvigorate the spark.” Think about what’s going right and what needs improvement. If you and your partner are committed to making things last, you will make the changes necessary to have a happy and fulfilling relationship.
How to Stop Pretending to be happy in your Relationship?
Maybe you already knew you were unhappy in your relationship, or maybe you just realize it now after learning some of the signs listed above.
Either way, faking happiness in a relationship is like pretending to be something you’re not. This can be emotionally draining and can make you feel trapped in a stagnant relationship.
Take charge of your emotional health – and your love life! – by learning how to stop faking being happy in your relationship.
Here are four simple tips to bring real happiness and clarity into your life.
1. Be honest with yourself
The longer you put off addressing that you are not happy in relationships, the longer your life will feel like it’s on hold.
Do some personal digging, meditate on what you want from life, or write down how you feel.
Only by being honest with yourself will you be able to start walking toward the path of happiness.
2. Surround yourself with a support system
Ready to come clean about what’s really going on in your relationship?
If so, you may find it helpful to confide in trusted friends and family about how you’re feeling.
Why?
Psychiatry MMC Journal reports that social support promotes psychological health.
The oxytocin released when surrounded by people you love and trust gives you a level of stress-related resilience.
This resilience is exactly what you will need when you’re ready to stop wearing a mask in your relationship!
3. Communicate with your partner
Couple Communicating Together at the Bar or Cafe
It will be difficult to tell your partner how you’ve been feeling.
Keep in mind, while it’s important, to be honest with your spouse, you don’t have to be brutally honest.
Instead of coming right out and saying: “I’ve only been pretending to be happy in a relationship with you.”
Try something like: “I’ve realized lately that I haven’t been feeling like myself in our relationship. There is a disconnect between us that is starting to concern me/that I would really like to work on.”
This will open the door to talking about what’s really been contributing to your faking happiness.
4. Recognize what’s best for you
When you are not happy in a relationship, it can affect other areas of your life.
By continuing with faking happiness, not only will you feel miserable with your partner, but you’ll also feel unfulfilled by other areas of your life that used to bring you joy.
Search within yourself and recognize what you really need to find happiness.
At best, you and your partner can work out your problems, and you will no longer fake being happy in a relationship.
At worst, you and your spouse break up, and you’re able to find personal peace and happiness elsewhere in your life.
Remember, the hardest decisions to make are often the ones that bring the greatest results!
Conclusion
If you’re faking being happy in a relationship, you rob yourself of a satisfying life.
Stop faking happiness today by admitting to yourself how you truly feel, surrounding yourself with a support system to lean on, communicating with your current partner, and doing what is best for you.
