SunBurned: So…ya burnt. Now what? Besides doing some skin treatments and being way more diligent about sunscreen use in the future, the only thing you can do if you wanna post-beach bone is avoid those scorched spots.

Here’s how:

If your torso got hit bad: The Duck and Cover

Slather up your chest with a shit-ton of aloe vera and get on your knees. Your chest and torso will be cool and protected while the rest of your body enjoys the party. Plus, a strong-ass vibrator between your legs is an excellent distraction.

If your backside makes you wince: The Hot Buns

Doggy and missionary will put you in a world of (new) hurt, so take a seat on a kitchen counter or barstool to connect the good throbby bits while avoiding the bad. Grab on to each other’s asses (no hands go beyond the upper butt!) to pull yourselves deeper and closer.

If your legs are seriously dying: Don’t Feel the Burn

It’s oral for you. Incredibly careful oral. Perch on the very edge of a chair (because the thighs, they burn!) while your partner carefully applies the magical healing powers of mouth to groin. The circumstances aren’t ideal, but having the only body-to-body contact be between your legs will focus your attention there extra.

If your arms are in full DO-NOT-TOUCH mode: The Arm-ie Hammer

Try reverse cowgirl in a cushy armchair. Sit on your partner’s lap, then pump away, keeping your poor little burnt arms safely out of the danger zone. If you don’t have superstrong thighs, use the chair’s arms for leverage and bonus thrusting power.

If your whole body’s not ready for friction: Then Stay the F Away

Get off with no skin-to-skin contact by claiming opposite ends of the couch and getting down with yourself. You can just get to it or make it more interesting by having your partner instruct you—and vice versa—e.g., “Now stroke slowly up and down until I tell you to stop.” Hot, but not in the sunburn-y way.

Jill Hamilton,

Sunburned for Cosmopolitan