My Boyfriend Said My Cancer Was “Too Much Drama” – Should I Take Him Back, Now That I’m Healthy?

A woman whose boyfriend dumped her in a very turbulent moment of her life — she’d just experienced death in the family, a financial crisis, and a cancer diagnosis all in a row. Now things in her life are looking up, and a recent reconnection with her ex has her wondering if she should take him back.

 

Here’s what she wrote to Stephenic via Instagram:

My Boyfriend Said My Cancer Was "Too Much Drama" - Should I Take Him Back, Now That I'm Healthy?

@stephenlc reply…

”Congratulations on finishing your treatments and becoming a breast cancer survivor. That is really wonderful news. I think you should celebrate by doing something nice for yourself — like not taking back a man who dumped you the moment you got sick.

 

To paraphrase Maya Angelou: When people show you who they really are, believe them. And this man has shown you exactly who he is. He’s someone who will bail on you the minute things get tough, someone who refers to his girlfriend’s cancer journey as “too much drama,” and someone who will completely ice out a person he’s known for 15 years in the darkest moment of their life. This guy has shown you that he’s unreliable, unempathetic, selfish, and cruel. The question is, will you believe him? I think you should.

 

And here’s the unfortunate reality of being a living, breathing human on Earth: Even when you’re cancer-free, your life will not be problem-free. The years ahead will inevitably bring more difficulties, more losses, more anxieties, more heartbreak, more “drama,” as your ex so kindly put it. Hopefully, you’ll never again have a year as terrible as the one you’ve just been through, but you know that some future challenges will be unavoidable. You need a partner whom you can trust to stick around — not just in the good times but in the bad times, too. Someone with the courage, character, and conviction to help you overcome the worst things life may throw at you, as you’ll do for them in return.

 

To be clear, I might feel differently about this situation if you didn’t have a 15-year history with this guy before you started dating him. If he were just some random dude you met on Tinder and you’d only been on a few dates, maybe he really wouldn’t be the right person to help you navigate such a personal and challenging moment of your life. It’s hard to build a brand-new connection with someone amid so much turmoil, and perhaps your ex’s suggestion of revisiting the relationship in a few months would have been valid if you were just getting to know each other. In that case, there probably would have been better people for you to lean on anyway. But after 15 years of shared history together, he should have stuck around. He was the person to lean on.

 

There’s also the fact that he promised to remain your friend throughout this process and then completely ghosted you once you started your treatments. He never once checked in on you, asked how you were doing, or offered his help. This man may not have “owed” you a romantic relationship — obviously, if he felt he was dating the wrong person, it was his prerogative to leave, even if most people (myself included) would find his timing abhorrent. But after knowing you for 15 years, he absolutely owed you some respect, compassion, and support as you navigated such a difficult period. Maybe he was avoiding you out of cowardice, or maybe it was straight-up selfishness on his part. Ultimately, it doesn’t even matter — either way, his behavior indicates that he is not a person worthy of your time.

 

You have finally finished your cancer treatments and can call yourself a cancer survivor. That’s a hard-fought victory that you should be really proud of. Your own strength and courage — two things your ex clearly lacks — are the reasons you’re standing here today. And I think you should view this moment as an opportunity for a fresh start. Do away with anything in your life that no longer serves you. I think this man should be at the top of that list.

 

Go find a partner who wants to live an actual life with you, with all the ups and downs it will inevitably bring. After all you’ve been through, you deserve that much and a whole lot more. Congratulations again on your clean bill of health, and good luck. I’m rooting for you.

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