My dog bites my boyfriend’s bum every time we have sex.

She jumps up and nips his behind as my bloke pumps away.

He moans at me to get the animal ­under control, but what can I do when she’s just being playful and doesn’t ­actually hurt him?

The fact is that me and my dog are an unbreakable team – she’s my rock.

She sits under my desk when I work and keeps me safe. Unfortunately, my pet can’t stand my new boyfriend who can be a bit grubby.

I try to keep the bedroom door shut but she manages to push it open with her snout. I secretly think she’s resourceful and funny. Who do I choose: the man or the dog?

JANE SAYS: A smelly, grumpy boyfriend versus a loyal and loving dog. Mmmm, let me think…

I suspect your dog is trying to protect you but the truth is that she shouldn’t be nipping anyone, Daily Star reports.

If you don’t lock your bedroom door, you send mixed messages. If you are having genuine trouble controlling your pooch, you need to consider retraining and ­obedience classes because it’s never too late to teach an old dog better habits.

Oh, and no, I don’t think your boyfriend sounds right for you.

You need to find someone who fits in. Who needs or fancies “grubby”?

Blokes only expect a romp with me.

I never have sex on a first date. I have strict rules regarding my body. I insist on three good meals and two decent gifts before bed.

In other words, potential lovers have to show their commitment first.

However, the last couple of blokes I’ve explained this to have laughed in my face.

One finished his drink and accused me of wasting his time. The other called me a dinosaur.

I believe that I’m precious and special. What’s wrong with having standards?

In this fast-paced world of dating apps, there’s no denying some people expect instant gratification.

But you are an individual and can be anyone you want to be. If the next guys you date all complain about a lack of sex on a first date, then none of them are right for you.

I suggest you make sure you pay your own way (or at least go Dutch) so that no one ever accuses you of being a time waster again. Stick to your rules and be true to yourself because I’m sure you’ll find the right person in the end.

”So shut the dog out,” says an angry GBETU fan.

Another said, ”I couldn’t have a relationship with a dog owner, you’ll always be 2nd best.”