The Deconstruction of “Scattershot – Simple Agenda”:

A Peoples’ Democratic Party (PDP) Chieftain and investor in the candidature of Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu called me the other day to discuss “Simple Agenda”, a somewhat scattershot pamphlet brandished here and there – mostly on social media. He had been leaving messages on my email; [email protected], bordering on my pubic expressions and why I needed to be more schooled on the subjective, or, rather elective-course.

Upon preparation for this assignment, I realized not much can be achieved without a background check on the philosophy behind the “simplistic agenda” just as a less-rigorous findings revealed a scattershot theoretical composition of vague, unrealistic and less-idealistic rehashed words into sentences that was stage-managed to graduate into paragraphs.

Fully-armed, I arrived at the venue of appointment 10 minutes less schedule, waiting for the tutor of a document that falls short of the one within the limit of wishes-for-horses, in which case beggars could ride. But, who is that mountain of knowledge who wouldn’t want to be schooled, how-be-it, from the unschooled teacher?

He had barely rested his weight on the sofa, when I fired the first harmless question. Before I could finish – to in specific terms explain “Simple Agenda” without the aid of the “tissue-paper”, he dodged – took an excuse to get something out of the way.

If I describe this bad-investor, you will know him – there is no need. He is my friend indeed. But, he was worried, I asked about specifics – at least everybody wants to be real specific. But, he simply told me his support was for “Pastor”, not for “Simple Agenda” and it has nothing to do with specifics.

Asked if there was any delimitation between “Pastor and Simple Agenda”, he grants that he doesn’t know much about Pastors “Simple Agenda” or key economic positions – he doesn’t even think Pastor knows. “Its total swell-words”, he said to me, “all these politicians with all these specific plans”.

I looked at him with pity – if you don’t know the meaning of “Simple Agenda”, why your huge investment and waste of my precious time? Not even did I get the tell-it-like-it-is realism without succumbing to despair – a class on “Simple Agenda” was about to culminate in a dispirited conclusion!

But this, he explained and exactly why he supports the progenitor of “Simple Agenda”: “No too much talk talk like your man; Adams. When allocation comes from Abuja, sharing it won’t be problem but very Simple (Agenda). This is what we have done before when he was Secretary to the State Government under Chief Lucky Igbinedion. He can still do it. But you see your man? He will resort to speaking big big grammar and inspecting projects when people are hungry, including party leaders. That’s not good; ours is very simple”, he assured me.

But curiosity wouldn’t allow me let him go. I push thus: doesn’t this agenda seems obsolete in our present reality in which case, I can enlist myself, pro bono, to rejig, panel-beat and refurbish it to standardized-model and functionality?

As a follow up to that question, for you to be sure of a workable document, I plan to help approach a most equipped political laboratory such that, the final copy can make significant meaning, good for the shelves and or archival places – yes, since the world had since moved-on and good governance now run on a seamless approach rather than mechanical and orthodox.

Aside from that Sir, what happened to that scant outing of your investment-party called flagging-off? Why is it that such eminences we saw at the All Progressives Congress (APC) unveiling of its standard-bearer, Mr. Godwin Obaseki and his running-mate, Comrade Philip Shaibu, failed to rally round the “Simple Agenda”? Again, when I called “Simple Agenda’s” Headquarter to inquire, a seemingly exasperated aide could not answer specifics and my inquiry was mysteriously dodged and forgotten.

Granted, there was a handful of known turn-coats and possibly hired crowd, vocal support from your party’s elite was dry – an unusual occurrence for such a serious race for any candidate or party. I’ve also found next to no support for “Simple Agenda”, among prominent Nigerian businessmen who are PDP, a group that included a large contingent of Goodluck Jonathan supporters who raised tens of Billion at a fund raiser in Abuja last year.

I also asked the “Simple Agenda” campaign organization for a list of prominent politicians and businesspeople, including Banks – remember Governor Ayodele Fayose of Ekiti State Bank-election-sponsorship saga – and Executive Governors who have endorsed him, not an email in return or text message to say – Oh No, I get along with everybody!

Talking serious Sir, don’t you think, one of the strengths aspirants for such position in contest, as far as I see it, is the ability to look at a problem and surround yourself with the best possible minds to solve problems – by my account, the proponents and handlers of the rag-tag called “Simple Agenda” haven’t come to this undeniable reality.

The frenetic, panicky way in which they thrusts this rehashed jaundiced material – Simple Agenda – has engendered what any corporate branding expert would call “brand confusion”. When you weigh “Simple Agenda’s” record, you quickly find that there’s nothing of substance.

Think of the characteristics you might find worthy around the Clergy: A single-minded focus on excellence? Yes. But this is not to be. He’s no visionary, no. And, he seems to lack the instinct for righting questionable characters around him – if you like, call it, “unequally-yoked together” with people without magnets for talent, character and integrity.

In a nutshell, I shall advise electorates to be mindful, what document they consume with their eyes – even the Holy Writ warned! Besides, I shall hunt for a volunteer, one experienced at mop-up assignments without supervision, to assist in clearing this contagious trash capable of putting scorpions in our pockets.

For now, I can best describe the “tissue-paper” called “Simple Agenda”, as a performance made all the more impressive by its distance from reality. Good day, Mr. Teacher!

John Mayaki