When we realized our Relationships were Doomed – 19 People

These 19 People Are Sharing The Moments They Realized Their Relationships Were Doomed.


When we asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell what made them realize their relationships were doomed, we figured I’d get some wild stories.


Frankly, reading some of these made us feel pretty okay about not having been in a relationship for quite some time!


Here are some of the 19 wildest responses:

1.”I was in a relationship in another country for three years, and then I moved back to the US for better jobs and an easier life. I was planning on bringing him to the US with a fiancé visa. Once I started the paperwork though, instead of feeling excited at the thought of him coming here, I felt complete dread. I canceled the paperwork, got into therapy, and realized what a toxic and emotionally abusive relationship it had been. Best decision ever.”



2.”I was working toward a promotion at work, and I was really energized about it. My boyfriend picked a fight and told me that I never think about my future. I asked how a promotion at work isn’t thinking about my future, and he couldn’t answer me.

“I realized he meant I wasn’t thinking about HIS future: typical nuclear family with kids. Problem was, he quit his career to drive for Uber and go back to school for media. He was barely making enough to support himself but expected me to stall and/or stop my career (with a steady income and health benefits) to have children and be a stay-at-home parent. ‘You’re not thinking about your future’ was the wake-up call I needed to see that we wanted very different things out of life, so I broke up with him so he would be free to fall in love with someone ready to have kids right away.”



3.”He didn’t tell me about an STD he had — I found out from his mom. I also found out he was in court for domestic violence and r@pe against his ex-girlfriend. Talk about a great boyfriend.”



4.”When he was dating someone else and kept telling me I was his world and she didn’t matter. After half a year, I realized he’d never end it, so I just blocked him.”



5.”I used to buy cheap Broadway tickets all the time, but on Valentine’s Day, he’d always take me to a nice seat. I told him I wanted to see any play but Waitress, and of course, we went to see it. He got drunk at the theater’s bar when the song ‘She Used to Be Mine’ started playing, and I listened to it for the first time. I started crying very quietly, and he realized it was opening my eyes to how abusive he was.”

“I had gained 40 pounds and lost all my friends because I was with him. He started yelling at me for tearing up and calling me names until security came. When we were outside, I just made a voice message to myself in the middle of Times Square, of my feelings in that moment, and finally left him.

It’s been four years, I lost the weight, and I’m successful beyond my imagination work-wise, but I still can’t get my head around dating someone else. I should try… I’m sure a few of the guys that have fallen for me in these years are worth it, but I’m still terrified of losing my individuality like that again. BTW, I went to see Waitress right before I left NYC, and now it’s my favorite play ever.”



6.”We were together in college. When I got my first job after we graduated, I was so excited. I called him immediately and, instead of being excited, he was pissed I was going to make more than him.”
“I was so disappointed that he wasn’t happy for me. It made me reflect on our relationship, and I realized he always took away from my good experiences by making them about him. I decided I didn’t need that in my life and left.

Now I’m married to an amazing man who is my biggest cheerleader. I can’t believe I ever thought about settling for less.” —Lynndino


7.”The guy I was with was really funny and sweet for like the first month, but then little by little, I could see red flags popping up.”

“He was very conservative, and the moment I said I wasn’t, he immediately turned off any wanting to talk to me. If I said I didn’t want to have sex that night, he’d want me to leave, or how if I didn’t stay quiet ‘when I should,’ he’d start ignoring me.

The thing that made me say enough (even though that already was) was when I realized that his incredibly big ego was incredibly fragile. I’m a very independent, confident person (female), and if I was acting that way around him, he’d be embarrassed and never wanted me by his friends when I was like that. One night when we were about to have sex and were kissing and all that shit, I flipped him over so I was on top and was holding his arms above his head. I have never felt a dick get softer faster than that. It amazed me how insecure he was that the moment I was dominant, his ego fell flat along with his dick. I dumped him and never looked back.”



8.”When he stole money from me to support his drug habit. There were a plethora of red flags before that, but this one finally snapped me out of it.”



9.”His mother strangled me at our wedding. In that moment, I knew it was the end. After two years of couples therapy, it just wasn’t enough, and he could not implement boundaries with his mother and didn’t want to try. It’s hard, but trying to see this as a blessing on calling it quits before we had kids.”



10.”When he needed to stay with me for a week while he was moving to a new place, I set out a toothbrush, toiletries, and fresh towels. They weren’t used once.”


11.”The relationship had soured after I decided to switch careers, and he was unsupportive — he liked me working a big corporate job with a fancy title and didn’t care that wasn’t who I was. But it wasn’t his lack of support or the fact that we hadn’t had sex for months, or even that he disinvited me from events with his family because he was embarrassed by me.”

“The last straw was when we were fighting and I asked him, ‘Cards on the table — do you want to be in this relationship or not?’ It should have been a yes or no question: Yes, let’s work on this, or no, let’s move on. He refused to answer because it was ‘too complicated.’ I made it easy on him by leaving. Fixing a relationship is complicated even if both parties want it to happen, but choosing to stay shouldn’t be complicated if that’s what you really want.”



12.”When my partner used a suicide threat to guilt me into being there 24/7, after I gave her plenty of warning that I was having a tech-free weekend with a friend. I was having doubts about the relationship before that for other manipulative and controlling behavior, but that sealed the deal.”



13.”When I added up every single red flag that had been glaringly obvious throughout the relationship and realized that the guy was a covert narcissist who was playing constant mind games with me, to make me insecure, anxious, and constantly question the reality of the situations, which in turn reduced me to a shell of my former self, and was using me for everything he could get.”

“Once that wool got pulled off my eyes, there was no going back. Happy to say I am back to my normal self. Getting out of that relationship felt like I had peeled off a coat of toxic substances. It felt so freeing.”



14.”We had been dating for about two years, and I had just finished a 70+ hour work week. I was bartending at two different places and had picked up work at a festival that week. My boyfriend and I were sitting at the bar in a restaurant, and I was venting about my week, as people do, and he has the AUDACITY to say to me, ‘I don’t know what you’re bitching about. It’s just bartending.'”

“I told him to get the fuck away from me before I scream/cry/make a scene in the bar. I’m not a dramatic person, and he knows that, so he did as I asked. We broke up a few days later.

We were just very different people with different outlooks on life. It was just that exact moment that I knew I was done.”



15.”When I came home and the house smelled like the devil’s lettuce, and he told me he had a girl over while I was at my parents. I’d like to say I left then and there; rose-colored glasses really make the red flags green.”



16.”I should have known from the first time they came into the kitchen of the home we shared and said ‘I don’t want to do this anymore.’

“Of course, I didn’t and fought and fought for the relationship. After a year and a half of supporting my partner through illness and addiction, every breakup still felt like a shock. They even had a separate flat that they ‘just didn’t get around to’ letting go of. After all the on and off, finally one night they came home and said, ‘It’s over, and I don’t want to talk.’ So, I decided enough was enough and put all their things outside for ease of collection. Years later, I have moved countries, found the love of my life, and couldn’t be happier. If you are in an off-and-on relationship, this is your sign to move on. Everything will be better, I promise. Your best life awaits!”

— yeahokaythen


17.”We were giving the relationship another go despite my whole family’s disapproval after he was emotionally and financially abusive. On choosing dinner — the argument was a Thai green curry or pizza — I genuinely didn’t mind, and this became a blowout argument. It shook me enough to realize I couldn’t spend another day living a life like that.”



18.”When he casually dropped the n-word.”

“He claimed he didn’t mean anything by it because he grew up in Mississippi and it was used there all the time. But when I called him out on it and told him how it made me uncomfortable, he decided to play the victim and accuse me of treating him like a child. He then insisted he would put on Fox News all day every day to ‘convert me’ when we moved in together. I broke up with him and blocked him about two days later after he further gaslighted me about other things. Too many red flags to avoid it any further.”


And finally…

19.”My ex told me he kissed another girl when he was drunk, and I didn’t feel anything.”
“Not mad, not sad, nothing. A few months later, I was going away for 2.5 months for an internship, and the day before, he took me out to dinner and told me he wanted to buy a ring for me. The only thing I thought was, Oh god, I hope you didn’t already do that! I broke up with him before I came back from my internship.”



The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.

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