Why People stay in Relationships they know aren’t working

Why People stay in Relationships they know aren't working

Why do people stay in relationships they know aren’t working?


According to relationship coach, Dushka Zapata, ”Relationships are not like rocks, inert, static, still. They are like water, in a state of perpetual motion, not necessarily in a stage of tumult but certainly in constant flux.


It can be fulfilled then not, close to you then not, feel like it’s working then not, only to experience things getting increasingly better and deeper, or increasingly worse.

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There are points in the relationship where I can’t really make a diagnosis. Is this a rough patch, or is this not working? If we get through this, will we get stronger, or is this just a sign that things are slowly falling apart?


The members of that relationship are also like water, in their own inner state of perpetual motion and flux. Is what I am thinking and feeling happening in the relationship, or is it happening in me?


People stay in relationships they know are not working for many reasons, but one of them is because “we are having a tough time now” and “this is not working” can look very similar.

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Because, “this relationship is oppressive” and “the relationship is fine but I am restless” can look very similar.


Love is a feeling and feelings can be mercurial. It helps me to ask myself – underneath that love, are we friends? Underneath that love are we building something? In the future we imagine, are we both there?”

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