KISS ME GOODBYE
by Dr. O
Japa, a Nigerian slang derived from the Yoruba language that simply means to run or to escape. In recent times, Japa has become a thing not just in Nigeria but in different countries in Africa. People Japa for different reasons: better jobs, better schools, better social amenities, better quality of life. At the end of the day, everyone is simply looking for greener pastures, but the question is, is the grass really greener on the other side? Shhh! Not so fast. You probably already have an answer to that question but don’t be in a hurry to say it just yet, fasten your seatbelts, we’re about to go on a very interesting journey, so save your answer because when we get back, you might just be singing a different song.
Our flight Captain is Chinedu popularly known as Japanedu, the Japa ambassador himself.
Chinedu works as a ticketing officer in one of the popular international airlines, his office is at the airport. Everyday he watches people follow the path to paradise that he so desperately wishes to follow but has never gotten the opportunity to. He is pretty much like a sign post, leading people to their destination but never making it there himself. Chinedu has tried everything possible to leave the country to no avail, he has tried relocating to almost all the countries you can think of from England to the United States to Canada, Portugal, Brazil and even Saint Vincent and the Grenadines.
Oh! You thought that was the name of a church didn’t you? It’s actually the name of a country in the Carribeans. With the way Chinedu is carrying on with his relocation mission, it will be no surprise if he eventually ends up on planet Mars.
Our Co-pilot on this journey is none other than Deji, the second in command in the Association of citizens waiting to Japa. Unlike Chinedu, Deji is married with two kids, ordinarily, Deji is indifferent about migrating abroad, he is more than satisfied with his banking job that pays him six figures but his wife Ama has vowed to make his life a living hell if he does not ensure they relocate before the end of the year.
Ama is Ghanaian, she met Deji when he traveled to Ghana for his studies,they started dating in their final year and continued a long distance relationship for about a year after graduation. Ama never really wanted to move to Nigeria, she didn’t want to leave the sanity of the peaceful Accra to live in the crazy, unpredictable city of Lagos. Before getting married, they had a long debate about where to live and eventually both agreed that whoever got a job first would determine where they would live. Unluckily for Ama, Deji landed his job at the bank first and since it was a permanent job with great prospects, she had no choice than to agree to move to Lagos with him.
She hated living in Lagos and found it difficult to cope with the hustle and bustle that came with it. Jumping on the Japa bandwagon was her opportunity to make sure that she finally escaped from Lagos with her family.
We have two lovely air hostesses on this journey, Gloria the ‘small girl with big gods’ and Dunni who happens to be Deji’s younger sister. Dunni is popularly known as Sugar, as a matter fact some people don’t even know her real name because everyone calls her Sugar. Sugar is a successful young lady who owns a business where she sells human hair extensions and make up products. She’s the kind of lady you would describe as a very eligible spinster, beautiful, hardworking, domesticated and financially independent.
She’s been in a relationship with her boyfriend Michael for 3 years, but somehow he just hasn’t put a ring on it. It’s safe to assume that he may have hypermetropia which is popularly known as long-sightedness. For those who don’t know, hypermetropia is a condition where objects that are far away can be seen clearly whereas objects that are closer appear blurry or not very clear. Perhaps, Michael was unknowingly suffering from this condition because it was difficult to tell why he would have such a beautiful and successful woman right under his nose and still not know what to do with her.
Hypermetropia occurs when your eyeball is shorter than normal causing images to be focused behind your retina rather than being focused on the retina like it should be in a normal eye.
It can be corrected using prescription lenses or laser eye surgery.
In Case you’re wondering why Gloria was referred to as a ‘small girl with big gods,’ let’s just say she uses her feminine arsenal to her advantage, she only dates rich older married men because she believes that building wealth with a man is a waste of her precious time, she would rather date a man who was already wealthy even if it meant sharing him with his wife or other women, as long as he was constantly crediting her bank account.
She’s currently dating Chief Victor, the owner of one of the largest microfinance banks in the country, she met him about 6 months ago when one of her regular pimps introduced her to him, of course, after learning about his status in the society, she hooked him tight like a fish that swallowed bait and has refused to let him go ever since.
Now that we have you on board with all our crew members, boarding is now officially complete. The aircraft doors have now been shut. It’s time to sit back, relax and enjoy the flight, as the plane is about to hit the runway for take off.
