I was posted to a town close to Accra to do my national service in 2016. I was new in town. I had no friends or family over there that I could call on in times of need. But that didn’t scare me as much as I thought it would. Instead, it filled me with a deep desire to enjoy the peaceful community the town presented. I also was determined to tap into my own strength and make a home for myself in a strange land.

The good news is that I didn’t have to do it all alone. While I was navigating the town and finding my feet I found Adwoa. She is this beautiful young woman who went out of her way to help me. She became my guide in the town. She showed me where to get the best deals when I go to the market. She warned me about the kind of people to avoid. And she was always available to assist me when it came to work. Although she is a teacher like me, she had more experience than I did when I started my national service.

Instead of getting my own place, I lived with Adwoa. People usually say that two women cannot live in the same space peacefully. Well, that was not the case with us. Adwoa treated me like I was her younger sister. She never for once, made me feel as though I wasn’t a part of her life. I also matched her efforts by doing chores and running errands for her. Even when I eventually got my place, I still visited her, especially when she needed my help to do things around the house.

During one of my visits in 2021, I met her brother at her place. Prior to our meeting, she had told me a lot about him. So I was happy to finally meet him. She introduced us to each other and we just hit it off. He made a really good first impression. The kind that warmed my heart toward him.

We maintained contact even after we both left Adwoa’s place. We didn’t usually have deep or long conversations. All we did was check up on each other from time to time. Then came a time when he told me he had fallen in love with me. I was not all that surprised because I too had fallen in love with him. “I am sure my sister wouldn’t mind if the two of us get together,” he said. Before I could say anything in response he added, “If only you give me the chance, I will do everything in my power to make you happy. Please, be my girlfriend.” I was convinced that he would do right by me so I agreed to be with him.

We were doing fine in the relationship but I held myself back a little. I didn’t want to commit all my heart to him until I was beyond reasonable doubt that he was the one for me. I actively looked for red flags and things about him that I could live with, or change to have a smooth relationship.

Just a few months into the relationship, I realised that this guy was nothing like his sister. He was a manipulative person who got verbally and emotionally abusive when he was angry. He was also a cheat and an opportunist. He had a habit of acting broke so he would take money from every woman he dated.

I tried my best to talk him out of his toxic behaviour but he was too far gone to turn over a new leaf. So I left the relationship emotionally after six months of loving him. I used the next six months to heal and get over him. Then I officially broke up with him. So although we were together for a year, I was only emotionally present for half of it.

Now my problem is, when we were together I gave him an amount of money to top up his capital to start a business. It was at a time when I trusted him and believed everything he had to say. He seemed sincere about starting a business so I gave him the money as a gift. There were no strings attached to it. It was out of the goodness of my heart. However, after I found out that he is a scum bag, I have been having doubts about what he truly used the money for. I feel like the whole business idea was just a lie he fed me to evoke sympathy and take my money.

Once in a while, I get the urge to call him and ask him to pay back my money. Will I be right to do that? Or I should let it go and forget about it?

—Miss Polly