You will agree with me that a lot has been going on lately, not just in our immediate environment, but also outside Nigeria. The one that interests me the most is the news about Steve Harvey and his wife, Marjorie. There was a rumour about a possible divorce because Steve could no longer satisfy his wife sexually, and she is seeking help outside their marriage.

It was said she had been having an affair with their bodyguard and chef – reports the both husband and wife have since debunked.

However, one can’t help but wonder if there’s some truth in the rumour. Let’s face it, Steve is no longer a young man, and he may not be as sexually active as he used to be. Majorie, on the other hand, is at the age where there is a craving for more quality sex. This is especially interesting to me because it is something I believe we should look into seriously as a society.

It is a given that men at a certain age crave women who are a lot younger than their wives. And they are even enabled by society to divorce or take younger wives as they advance in age because the wife they married in their youth is now “old” and no longer able to satisfy their sexual cravings.

It is the same for some women. Contrary to popular belief that as a woman ages, she craves sex less, well, sorry to burst your bubble, this is not a fact. In fact, studies have shown that sex remains highly important throughout women’s lives in their 40s, 50s and 60s. It may not be the same as in their 20s, but it is just as important and exciting.

Now, let’s consider reasons why men crave younger women:

a. Younger women are more beautiful and have younger bodies

b. They are no longer sexually attracted to their wives

c. Their wives are not willing to do what a younger woman will do in the bedroom

d. They desire something new and different.

Interestingly though, the so-called “old” women/wives crave younger men too. And this is because:

a. Sex with their husbands has become monotonous

b. The man is not as active and agile as before

c. Younger men have stronger erections

d. They no longer find their partners sexually attractive.

These are some of the issues going on in marriages and other long-term relationships, but no one is willing to face the real issues. Women have resigned to their fate of taking care of the home and putting their energy into other uses, leaving them sexually starved and frustrated.

This is why you hear such stories as: “Madam ‘sleeping’ with the driver or gardener.” Now, while this may be wrong and unjustifiable, I don’t entirely blame these women because, truly, the itch has to be scratched.

I have heard of a lot of cases where marriages have been annulled because of sexual dissatisfaction. Yes, I know you are probably wondering if marriage is all about sex. No, it isn’t. Sex is not the only thing marriage is about, but it does play an important role.

Take a situation where a couple has successfully raised their children who are grown and out of the house, leaving just the couple to themselves. How do they relate with each other if they do not have a mutually satisfying sexual relationship going on?

So, what is the way forward?

To start with, there can’t be a way forward if people don’t talk about these sensitive matters. This is something that affects both sexes. And it is only by bringing it to light that we can find a solution or common ground.

I believe that there has to be a lot more discussions concerning sex and sexuality during courtship and marital counselling. But, unfortunately, we downplay it. It only comes to the fore when there are problems within the marriage. And at that point, it is almost too late to remedy.

As much as I do not have a solution, I do have some ideas I think we need to begin to consider:

• Marriage shouldn’t be a permanent arrangement: I think it only makes sense to change a method if it’s no longer working for you. Since this craving for someone younger applies to both sexes, does it not make sense then that marriage should have an expiry date? When a couple has raised their children into adulthood and they feel they no longer find each other sexually attractive, or they want more out of a relationship than their partner is giving, then it may be time to call it quits and seek happiness elsewhere instead of living the rest of one’s life unhappy or being embarrassed for seeking pleasure outside of the marriage.

• Couples can have an agreement before marriage about a threesome. This means that as soon as one partner cannot satisfy the other anymore or when their sex life starts to get boring, they get a younger third person to add some spice to their sex life. This has to have been a prior agreement.

• Open relationship. This is another way to keep the excitement going in a relationship, provided there has been a prior agreement on boundaries. Not every couple can handle this because it can be quite tricky if it’s not handled properly.

• It is not a new thing for a man to take a younger wife later in life with the excuse that the first wife is “old” and can no longer perform, which is justifiable, but the wife should also be allowed to have a younger lover satisfy her from time to time.

• Women should marry younger men. I know society will frown at this because it is not the norm, but when it seems like the norm is failing, it is time to think outside the box. If women marry younger men, by the time they are advanced in age, their partner will still be young and energetic enough to satisfy the sexual cravings.

These are just ideas that came to me during my musings. And as much as I know that it may not work for a lot of people because of social conditioning and religious beliefs, it could help save a few marriages.

I understand that marriages are important to protect the family structure and also to maintain some level of morals, but it is important to talk about the issues that arise in a marriage and the measures to take to make it a success.

Having established that, it is important to know that there is no one-size-fits-all approach. What works for one couple may be a bad idea for another. Find out what works for you as a couple and stick to that. Do not compare your relationship with someone else’s. What goes on within your walls shouldn’t be another person’s business.

Tiwa Says