Popular Kenyan life coach and counseling psychologist, Benjamin Zulu, has explained to lovers what to look out for before dating someone with a child or even children.

In a lengthy note, Zulu says;

“If you date someone who has a child and more so if you’re going to live with that child, be sure to check the following. Meet the child and observe their attitude towards you as well as how they relate with their parent. You want to know if they will accept you, or if they’ll resist and despise you. A child can complicate a marriage and put it on constant stress.

You want to see if their parent mixes both love and discipline or they just spoil them. In that case if you try to discipline them they’ll hate you. Some people have lost control of their children and with time the child becomes unruly and uncontrollable. Observe who is in control of their relationship. Does the child call the shots and get what they want? If so, that’s small monster developing right there. Get involved at your own risk and soon you’ll be moving from one police station and rehab to the next.

“Parenting right requires a healthy self esteem and self respect. Children can sense fear and self doubt and capitalise on it to gain control. Some parents have no self respect and so their child already despises them. What they do then is to try and buy parental influence and acceptance with money and gifts. That’s a recipe for disaster.

And yes you may have a wonderful connection with a person but still you pull out because they have an unhealthy relationship with their child and you can foresee trouble. This is not being judgemental but being practical. Last time you picked a shirt from a seller but then you noticed that it had a tear or a stain, did you start sympathising with the seller or you simply dropped it? That’s how you reason in mate selection as well. If the deal is not to your liking you simply move on. You don’t owe anybody anything.”