IMPROVE YOUR S*XUAL SKILLS OR LOSE YOUR WIFE: Nobody wants to acknowledge the reality that many young marriages are now crashing due to s@xual disappointment expecially when the bride, full of hope of a great sxual life realizes that her new husband has a small phallus, so small that it cannot even stir a tea in a small waist cup; not as much as men feel when they realise that the supposedly rotund and provocatively standing bre^sts were faked and are lies contrived by wicked magic bras.

Ask many ladies who had no premarital s£xual experience with their grooms about the level of tension they experienced at their wedding night, just before their husbands unveiled their farm implements also known as work tools.

It’s like the anxiety experienced during penalties at the FIFA world cup finals.

S£x therapists have helped men with small phalluses overcome the fear of lack of effectiveness. Their wives also attested to that. The solution was found in the narrowing of the entrance door to create enough friction needed by both parties to achieve org*sm. Never the missionary method! That grandparents’ style brings unhappiness.

It’s generally believed that a medium-sized phallus is not much of a problem but a monstrously large penal organ. It could evoke frigidity or fear in a woman.

While a woman could eventually overcome the fear of a large phallus and turn it into org*sm dispensing tool, many women whose new husbands unveil very ineffective small “thing” or abụna or those men that have the right tools but with low energy would immediately start plotting for a failed marriage soon after the wedding.

Many new wives who decide to stay on because of financial security or other socio-religious reasons would commence hatching contingency plans or improvising or outsourcing. Unfortunately, the man might know.

Note that an experienced young man can manage an inexperienced wife and turn her into a happy cave of bliss. But it’s difficult for the women to volunteer to teach their men without a dire consequence. Many men have useless ego. Instead of learning they would start thinking “this woman don spoil finish!”

There are men whose guns sparingly fire or fail to rise up to the occasion irrespective of their sizes. Some recoil and discharge less than two minutes into the arena to the utter disappointment of their new wives. These are major issues which are rarely discussed. Not even the married men of God attempt to openly discuss this. How can one discuss Aramọtụ or s£x with their holy mouths?

The challenge before the new bride who was raised to believe that premarital s£x was evil and who waited so patiently for the great day and blissful moments thereafter, is how she could communicate her s£xual frustrations with her husband to her friends or relations without being called names.

But many smart women would stir an provoked fight that would make their “useless” husbands initiate the “leave my house” command.

Some aggrieved wives with conscience would just pack out of their new matrimonial homes and relocate. They usually don’t return to their parents’ houses to avoid reconciliation sermons. They wouldn’t also confide in their parents or pastors because they wouldn’t understand.

A young man should realise that the ability to satisfy his woman in bed is as important as other provisions in marriage. If you like, go marry a virgin, once the tamper seal is broken, she would demand for satisfaction only a phallus can give.

I will never use the mouth I use to receive Holy Communion to ask young ladies to s£xually test their would-be grooms before marriage; but they could do the following:

• a bride to be could jokingly ask her man to show her his phallus to
• determine whether he is a real man
• or peep at him while he is taking bath;
• she could jokingly ask him how long he could last in bed, and whether he could use his fingers well and if he has problems using his tongue as a primer or finisher as may be needed.

A modern man should be able to openly discuss s£x with his future wife otherwise he has something to hide. Unfortunately, such discussions on aramọtụ or lovemaking are considered indecent in some cultures or religious organisations to the damnation of their needy members.

If genotype testing and HIV screenings are demanded of intending couples, why not a lady have an idea of the virility of the pestle of her future husband?

In some cultures, once certain rites are performed, the groom is mandated to sleep with one of the aunts of the bride to ascertain how good he is in bed. The testimony of the bride’s aunt is key to the completion of the marriage process. Those cultures know the central role of s£x in marriages.

Every intending young man should read wide and possibly seek for tutorials on how to s£xually satisfy a woman to avoid turning a naturally good wife into a s£xually under-priviledged woman or a lover of s£x toys and a potential adultery victim.

Experienced men should also mentor the younger men before they marry. I’m forever grateful to my uncle, Mr. Nduka for letting me into this secret of marital happiness many years before I got married. And I used my tongue to count my teeth.

I was forewarned to learn and locate all the screams or giggles causing buttons in a woman’s body; how to get her ready, artfully undress her and to make the rain happen in her garden before introducing the real Mr. Nwosu or my yam tuber into her moustached bank or the cave where love is manufactured or made.

My uncle would say, “sharpen your arrow and never leave a woman unsatisfied in bed”. In his own words “control of a wife starts in bed and that most women would always forgive their husbands’ misdemeanours as long as the men make them cry loud cries of happiness in bed”.

Many wonder why some wives adore their husbands who neighbours, friends and relations deem as economic misfits or useless. A peep or eavesdropping into their bedrooms during the match would clear your doubts. That man, to the wife, is most useful where it matters most.

A father was once heard asking his returnee daughter, “what does Edwin not give you? He bought you exotic cars made you a signatory to all his accounts and has never questioned any bank withdrawal you make. He has never beaten you nor insulted us your parents. Why on earth do you want to leave him?”

That’s the main reason why the underserviced or s£xually dissatisfied wives leave their husbands and run far away from their parents and pastors.

Couples and singles wishing to enjoy their s£x lives should read widely, watch and learn from didactic and demonstrative l^ve-making videos.

Husbands and wives should seek new ways to spice up your s£x lives even though many popular means of s£x education are not approved by most of orthodox and penticostal religious groups. It is still you who will make your marriage work not your man of God or your church.

Remove s£x from marriage then the husband and his wife would become like a brother and his sister or even neighbours or mere friends.

Let’s talk about s*x!

Anayo Matthew Nwosu