KISS ME GOODBYE

Ama returned from work on Friday evening looking so tired and frustrated, “what’s wrong babe, did we have another bad day at work today?” Deji asked, shifting his attention from the TV to face his wife,

“Is it not your crazy country people that won’t stop frustrating me?” She retorted, “I’m sick and tired of having to struggle with Danfo buses and crazy bike riders every single day. Just imagine if the children weren’t away in Ghana for the holidays, I would have had to go through the same stress to pick them up from school” she complained, “but babe you know I’ve always told you, we can get you a driver”.

Deji responded, “I don’t remember telling you I don’t know how to drive” Ama replied rolling her eyes, “I don’t remember saying that either but you will agree with me that getting a driver would make your life so much easier, you can just sit back and play with your phone or something while someone drives you around” Deji continued, “No thank you Sir” Ama replied collapsing into the sofa, “if you really want to help me, then get me out of the trenches” she added. “What trenches?” Deji asked, raising an eyebrow, “this shithole you call a country of course” Ama snapped. “Oh I see! So we’re back to this relocation topic again huh?” Deji replied.

“I don’t remember ever dropping it” Ama responded “Incase you don’t know, I have already started processing my admission to the United Kingdom, I’m only waiting to receive my CAS document so that we can start applying for our visa.” She announced. “Wait what?” Deji replied looking confused, “you applied to the UK to study? And I’m just hearing this now?” Deji questioned, “it was supposed to be a surprise” Ama replied rubbing Deji’s beards and smiling, “this is definitely an unpleasant one”.

Deji replied taking Ama’s hands off his face, “so you planned to run off to the UK and leave me here with the kids and you thought the best time to drop this bombshell of yours was tonight?” Deji asked looking at her in disbelief, “of course not silly, we’re all going together” Ama replied as Deji burst into a fit of laughter. “What’s so funny? Stop laughing like a hyena” Ama said, pinching him, “you’re so funny” Deji replied pointing at her and laughing, “I’m a top Manager in the bank currently earning 950,000 naira per month after tax and you expect me to leave my job to follow you to the UK to do what exactly?”

Deji replied, “to get a better job in a sane country of course” Ama replied.

“Chale, I am fully convinced without a doubt that you have a delusional disorder, please see a shrink” Deji said, throwing the TV remote on the sofa and walking away leaving Ama staring in amazement.

A delusional disorder is a type of mental health condition in which a person can’t tell the difference between real life and their imaginations, they often have one or more delusions(beliefs in things that are not true). For example, they may believe that someone is stalking them when in reality no one is following them or may have bizarre delusions like thinking someone stole their kidney while they were sleeping when in reality, this is not even possible.

Most times the people that have this disorder are not even aware and usually are not able to come to terms with the fact that their delusions are not real. The exact cause for delusional disorders is currently unknown. It is treated using psychotherapy and certain medications.

By the time Ama retired to bed that night, Deji was already fast asleep, snoring like a pig.
He was in good spirits the next morning when he woke up. He was feeling all excited and happy. As a matter of fact, for the first time in a long time, he was making breakfast. He had just finished making omelettes and sausages when Ama walked in on him serving the food as he whistled to one of his favourite songs.

“There you are” he said, spotting Ama at the doorway, “Good Morning my darling” he said, blowing her a kiss. He was so engrossed in serving the food that he didn’t even notice that Ama didn’t respond.

Normally Ama would have asked what the celebration was as Deji was not one to visit the kitchen or do any house chores very often, instead she remained silent and walked to the fridge to pour herself a glass of juice, then sat on one of the chairs in front of the kitchen counter as she watched Deji happily serving the food.

“You remember I told you my very good friend Charles is arriving from the UK today right?” Deji said putting some slices of bread in the toaster, “we’ll be going to visit him later tonight at the guest house where he is lodging” he continued talking without turning to face her.

“Oh by the way, would you want some baked beans to go with this?” he asked, finally looking up. “I want a divorce” Ama finally blurted out, “you want what?” Deji asked as the spoon he was holding fell from his hand dropping to the floor.
“I want a divorce” Ama repeated, “since you have constantly made a mockery of my decision for us to relocate as a family, I am asking for a divorce. You can stay married to your fabulous job here in Lagos. But I’ve decided I no longer want to be part of this marriage if it means staying back in this country” she added with a straight face.

“You’re joking right?” Deji finally responded when he found his voice, “I am dead serious” Ama replied, “I have never been more serious in my entire life.”