This article takes a look at the mistakes that many women make about sex in their marriage. Although they are not limited to the following:
UNDERSTAND WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT SEX IN MARRIAGE
‘Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempts you not for your incontinency.’ 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. You must note the following points in this scripture:
- The bible made it clear that your body belongs to your husband.
You must not deprive your husband of your body. The only time you can refrain from a sexual relationship is when you are fasting. Before the fast you are to inform your husband, he is to be aware of your proposed fasting before you go ahead.
You are to come together again after your fasting so that you will not give advantage to the flesh over your marriage. Please note that 70 days of fasting is not 70 days without sex except if it is a “marathon” fasting. Fasting is usually From 12 midnight to 6pm, so when you break your fast between the hour of 6:01 to 11:59 satisfy your husband, don’t ever engage in long fasting just because you want to avoid sex with your husband, you may end up hurting yourself so deeply.
DON’T FAIL TO SATISFY YOUR HUSBAND
One of the roles of a woman in marriage is to satisfy her husband sexually. You need to be bold and wise enough to ask your husband whether he is satisfied. Ask him what you can do to satisfy him, then go ahead to do them.
‘Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.’ Prov. 5:19.
A SEXUALLY UNFULFILLED MAN IS PRONE TO DANGER.
It is easier to pull down a sexually unfulfilled man. A man who is sexually fulfilled by his darling wife will be more difficult to pull down. A man that is not getting the best of sex at home is a danger going somewhere to happen. Protect your husband from falling. Meet his needs at home and make it impossible for him to fall into error.
DON’T GO FOR A DARK COLOUR IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
“Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green. The beams of our house are cedar, and our rafters of fir”. Song of Solomon 1:16, 17.
Make sex lively by making your bed GREEN. Ensure your bed is always green. Your bed must not be RED. A red bed is a sexless marriage. A YELLOW bed is a marriage where the husband has to struggle, plead, beg and even fight before having sex with his wife. It is a marriage where the wife had made calendar for sex at home.
Finally, your bed must not be BROWN. This is a marriage that is full of sexual immorality. You must never allow any other man to sleep with you. It is an unrighteous act. It is unholy and unacceptable to God to allow any other man apart from your darling husband to sleep with you.
NEVER DARE YOUR HUSBAND TO GO OUT TO LOOK FOR SEX
No matter what happens, never dare your husband to look for sex elsewhere. Somebody else may cook for him, somebody else may take care of his clothes but you are the only one that is authorized by God to sleep with him. Don’t ever allow household chores to sap you of your energy to do what only you can do for him.
NEVER COMMIT YOUR HUSBAND INTO THE HANDS OF YOUR HOUSE GIRL
If you allow your maid to be the one that cooks your husband meal, washes his cloth, serves his food and generally care for him, you will be opening your husband to temptations in his own house. It may be very hard for him to escape. Your maid should be your assistant, you should not be the one assisting her. Be like the Proverbs 31 woman: ‘She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens’. Prov. 31:15.
NEVER EMPLOY A HOUSE GIRL THAT IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU
Don’t make the mistake of employing a housemaid that is more beautiful than you. She may subtly take over your home. Don’t employ somebody that will engage you in beauty contest. It may look funny but that is one sexual mistake that a whole lot of women are making, please fall for it.
NEVER HATE SEX IN MARRIAGE
If your husband is like any other man out there you will find it difficult to enjoy him if you hate sex. As a married woman please bear it in your mind that sex is part of the package of marriage, you can’t be expecting peace in your marriage and be a hater of sex. Your husband likes it, it is his need and right. You can’t afford not to create room in your heart for it with your darling husband.
DON’T COMMIT YOUR HUSBAND INTO THE HANDS OF YOUR FRIENDS
If you are travelling don’t tell your friends to come to your house to take care of your children on your behalf. It could be the worst decision you ever made, please don’t do it.
DON’T DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS
A woman told her friends ‘my husband is too troublesome, he will not allow me to rest, he is too sexually active. He wants every night, he is never tired.’ That was the information the friend who was sexually starved in her marriage needs to go after her friend’s husband. She eventually snatched the man from her friend. Your sex life is a private life, discus it only with your husband.
DON’T ABANDON IMPROVEMENT OF YOUR BEDROOM LIFE
Read good and clean books about sex in marriage and know how to give your husband the best. It will be totally bad not to improve your bedroom life. Don’t have a lackadaisical attitude towards sex.
NEVER THINK YOUR HUSBAND IS SEXUALLY WIRED LIKE YOU
One big mistake most women make is to think their husband is sexually wired like them. A lot of women wonder why their husbands are always making a-never-ending-demand of sex. Some women refer to their husbands as sex addicts. A woman said ‘my husband doesn’t think about any other thing apart from sex.’ Another one said ‘the life of my husband is zeroed down to the bedroom’.
These women failed to understand that their husbands is not different from any other married man. In every animal group, the male is generally stronger than their female counterpart. Your husband is just being normal by demanding for sex.
NEVER FORGET THAT MEN ARE WEEKLY PEOPLE, WOMEN ARE MONTHLY PEOPLE
Most women want sex twice or thrice a month, both most men want sex two or three time a week. So, it is not strange if your husband’s sexual desire is stronger than yours. That is how God made men, that is how it is in most bedrooms, apply wisdom and satisfy your husband.
NEVER FORGET THAT MEN ARE VISUAL, WOMEN ARE HEARERS
Men are moved by what they see, women are moved by what they hear and what touches them. Dress your best so that your husband can see the good in you. Catch his eyes so that he will be moved towards you alone.
NEVER REJOICE BECAUSE HE DID NOT CALL FOR SEX IN TWO WEEKS
If your husband does not ask for sex in months, how will you feel? A lot of married women will feel happy or indifferent to it. Many married women even wish God will remove the sexual aspect of their marriage.
Sex is what makes marriage different from other relationships. Sex is what makes you different from the other women in his life. So, if he does not ask you out in bed for two weeks you should ask questions. If he does not ask you out in the bed for three weeks you should be worried, maybe he has another solution outside. It is not a testimony if your husband does not bother you for sex for weeks, it may have great consequences.
DON’T USE PREGNANCY AS AN EXCUSE
Don’t ever use pregnancy as an excuse to deprive him of your body. Pregnancy is not a reason for sexual denial, you are the one that is pregnant, your husband is not pregnant. Look for different ways of having sex as the pregnancy advances.
Pastor Bisi Adewale is a family and relationship expert; author of Secret of Irresistible Wife and more than 70 other books on marriage and family life.